Men and Commitment Issues

One of these days I went on Facebook to go through my newsfeed and see what my friends have been up to. I saw this thought provoking post.

If you are like me you just scroll through the newsfeed because your 15mb that is supposed to last a week usually finishes after 3 days. If your post is really good I press the like button. If it is so thought provoking I might have to comment (#JustSaying its not pride if I see your post and pass by, it is mb deficiency lol).

One of my gazilion Facebook friends posted, "If you find a girl that is willing to go through hell to keep the relationship going, you really shouldn't take her love for granted". My response read, "Odds are you wouldn't keep the relationship going just 'cause she's willing to go through hell. People respond better to people who seem not to care #Fact". He's response was in agreement with mine.

Another reason I might have forgotten to add was that men often times are not 'ready' for serious relationships. 

I have come to realize that a guy saying, "I'm not ready to get married" is the same thing as  "I'm not ready for a serious relationship" and it is also the same thing as,"I'm not ready for commitment"

In other words if you hear a guy start a statement with,"I'm not ready..." and that statement is addressing your relationship, it's best you cut your losses and run for the hills. 

I saw another post on Facebook recently and I had to repost in on Facebook and instagram. "No matter how good of a woman you are, you will never be good enough for a man who isn't 'ready' ". 

It's just the truth. The thing is some guys do skip the part that they are not ready. Some actually do say it but not in the actually words. You have to decipher it by really listening. 

Men have trouble with communication in general. 'Two and half men' is a classic tv series of how men communicate. Saying things like, "She let me put my trendsetter in her back room whoop-whoop". "You dipping the marshmallow and the guacamole?". 

I thinks it's best to be plain. No girl wants to date a guy for 4 years starting at the age of 21 only to be 'dumped' on her 25th birthday not cause you found a younger model (which happens most of the time) but because you are not 'ready'. 

This brings us to the question, "Why are men so scared of commitment?". Funny it's the same guy who says, 'I'm not ready...' that would get married to another girl barely 6 months after your breakup because 'he saw what he wanted'. 

It is like a trend nowadays that men wait for one of the guys in their clique to get the love bug and then,  they realize they need to be in a serious relationship and probably get married soon after too.

Some can't seem to wrap their head around the fact that they might have to 'dip just in the marshmallow' so they gotta have options. Others could just care less.

PS. To all girls out there, be wary of time wasters.

If someone wants to be with you, they'll do EVERYTHING in their power to be with you. No excuses.

Men and Commitment Issues

One of these days I went on Facebook to go through my newsfeed and see what my friends have been up to. I saw this thought provoking post.

If you are like me you just scroll through the newsfeed because your 15mb that is supposed to last a week usually finishes after 3 days. If your post is really good I press the like button. If it is so thought provoking I might have to comment (#JustSaying its not pride if I see your post and pass by, it is mb deficiency lol).

One of my gazilion Facebook friends posted, "If you find a girl that is willing to go through hell to keep the relationship going, you really shouldn't take her love for granted". My response read, "Odds are you wouldn't keep the relationship going just 'cause she's willing to go through hell. People respond better to people who seem not to care #Fact". He's response was in agreement with mine.

Another reason I might have forgotten to add was that men often times are not 'ready' for serious relationships. 

I have come to realize that a guy saying, "I'm not ready to get married" is the same thing as  "I'm not ready for a serious relationship" and it is also the same thing as,"I'm not ready for commitment"

In other words if you hear a guy start a statement with,"I'm not ready..." and that statement is addressing your relationship, it's best you cut your losses and run for the hills. 

I saw another post on Facebook recently and I had to repost in on Facebook and instagram. "No matter how good of a woman you are, you will never be good enough for a man who isn't 'ready' ". 

It's just the truth. The thing is some guys do skip the part that they are not ready. Some actually do say it but not in the actually words. You have to decipher it by really listening. 

Men have trouble with communication in general. 'Two and half men' is a classic tv series of how men communicate. Saying things like, "She let me put my trendsetter in her back room whoop-whoop". "You dipping the marshmallow and the guacamole?". 

I thinks it's best to be plain. No girl wants to date a guy for 4 years starting at the age of 21 only to be 'dumped' on her 25th birthday not cause you found a younger model (which happens most of the time) but because you are not 'ready'. 

This brings us to the question, "Why are men so scared of commitment?". Funny it's the same guy who says, 'I'm not ready...' that would get married to another girl barely 6 months after your breakup because 'he saw what he wanted'. 

It is like a trend nowadays that men wait for one of the guys in their clique to get the love bug and then,  they realize they need to be in a serious relationship and probably get married soon after too.

Some can't seem to wrap their head around the fact that they might have to 'dip just in the marshmallow' so they gotta have options. Others could just care less.

PS. To all girls out there, be wary of time wasters.

If someone wants to be with you, they'll do EVERYTHING in their power to be with you. No excuses.

"My friends are having scandalous sex, why can't I do too?"

"We writers are a envious bunch", said the character of Logan Lerman in the movie 'Stuck in Love'. 

I guess it solves the mystery of wonder why I love to read works done by other writers on paperbacks, ebooks and blogs. I recently read this piece by Jessica Bennet on Wordpress "The Shame of the Male Virgin" http://wordpress.com/read/post/id/1359921/117585/

This piece was a shock. It was about this guy, Elliot Rodger a UCSB student who killed himself and six others because he was a virgin and couldn't deal with the fact that he was lonely, depressed, humiliated and had a problem with his mental health, maybe. 

He probably needed a shrink but didn't realize it and now it's too late. He never kissed a girl and found it difficult to comprehend why women always seem to pass him up.

What probably affected his psych the most was the assumption of the culture we seemed to have found ourselves that elaborates masculinity with casual sex, beer (and other alcoholic beverages), guns, pornography and  the rest of them. 

There is drive for every man out there to reach this mythical 'player status'. Your peers laugh at you if you've never kissed a girl at 13.  They may  go as far as calling you gay. You on the hand, because of the pressure to prove you are not gay, get one or two STDs in the process.

Some peers go as far asking you film the encounter to show them as prove. What they do not realize is that child pornography is punishable even if you are below 18. They also fail to think about the future if such moving pictures get on the Internet.

Elliot Rodger who at 22 was probably never able to be part of the cool kids because of the lifestyle he chose. He was isolated and craved to belong.  He believes no one respects a man who is unable to get a woman as he so clearly put it.

Men often times believe their number of sexual partners equals their value as male says Therese Shechter. Women on the other hand are often times punished for their sexual choices.

Women are often on the loosing side in a sexual equation. From Jody calls to actual groping are a number of things the female folks suffer and the brutes still say, "She was asking for it". Men are not resistant too. Some like Edgar too do suffer from such situations. 

There are some out there who were never criticized for the decision to be virgins. They probably never told anyone or were just so confident among peers and the opposite sex that no one ever doubted their sexual activeness.

In a society where 'everyone seems to be doing it', this may be a hard decision to make. You may decide to make less fuss about it by not wearing a purity ring because this just calls for unnecessary attention. You may decide to join societies that actually are made of people who do not believe that sex is a social currency. This will help prevent feelings of humiliation, loneliness, depression and overall mental health.

Make sure that everything you do revolves around you being a better person that you are. This is because there is no shame in being a virgin male or female. It is a pride. Your pride. To be untainted with all the baggage sex brings like guilt, broken hearts, unrealistic expectations, pain, STIs, STDs and so much more.

That your friends are having scandalous sex doesn't mean you should do it. You are making the right decision for you by not doing such. So hey, chin up, You are doing the RIGHT THING for You.

I pray the seven souls of UCSB rest in peace.