"My friends are having scandalous sex, why can't I do too?"

"We writers are a envious bunch", said the character of Logan Lerman in the movie 'Stuck in Love'. 

I guess it solves the mystery of wonder why I love to read works done by other writers on paperbacks, ebooks and blogs. I recently read this piece by Jessica Bennet on Wordpress "The Shame of the Male Virgin" http://wordpress.com/read/post/id/1359921/117585/

This piece was a shock. It was about this guy, Elliot Rodger a UCSB student who killed himself and six others because he was a virgin and couldn't deal with the fact that he was lonely, depressed, humiliated and had a problem with his mental health, maybe. 

He probably needed a shrink but didn't realize it and now it's too late. He never kissed a girl and found it difficult to comprehend why women always seem to pass him up.

What probably affected his psych the most was the assumption of the culture we seemed to have found ourselves that elaborates masculinity with casual sex, beer (and other alcoholic beverages), guns, pornography and  the rest of them. 

There is drive for every man out there to reach this mythical 'player status'. Your peers laugh at you if you've never kissed a girl at 13.  They may  go as far as calling you gay. You on the hand, because of the pressure to prove you are not gay, get one or two STDs in the process.

Some peers go as far asking you film the encounter to show them as prove. What they do not realize is that child pornography is punishable even if you are below 18. They also fail to think about the future if such moving pictures get on the Internet.

Elliot Rodger who at 22 was probably never able to be part of the cool kids because of the lifestyle he chose. He was isolated and craved to belong.  He believes no one respects a man who is unable to get a woman as he so clearly put it.

Men often times believe their number of sexual partners equals their value as male says Therese Shechter. Women on the other hand are often times punished for their sexual choices.

Women are often on the loosing side in a sexual equation. From Jody calls to actual groping are a number of things the female folks suffer and the brutes still say, "She was asking for it". Men are not resistant too. Some like Edgar too do suffer from such situations. 

There are some out there who were never criticized for the decision to be virgins. They probably never told anyone or were just so confident among peers and the opposite sex that no one ever doubted their sexual activeness.

In a society where 'everyone seems to be doing it', this may be a hard decision to make. You may decide to make less fuss about it by not wearing a purity ring because this just calls for unnecessary attention. You may decide to join societies that actually are made of people who do not believe that sex is a social currency. This will help prevent feelings of humiliation, loneliness, depression and overall mental health.

Make sure that everything you do revolves around you being a better person that you are. This is because there is no shame in being a virgin male or female. It is a pride. Your pride. To be untainted with all the baggage sex brings like guilt, broken hearts, unrealistic expectations, pain, STIs, STDs and so much more.

That your friends are having scandalous sex doesn't mean you should do it. You are making the right decision for you by not doing such. So hey, chin up, You are doing the RIGHT THING for You.

I pray the seven souls of UCSB rest in peace.